Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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