i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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