I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!