no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
