So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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