if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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