he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
