I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
