____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
