I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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