He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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