I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
