you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
