Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
