Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
