just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
