You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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