i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
