Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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