So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
