He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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