It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can't turn off my feet"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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