umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
