i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
barbara walters just said penis...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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