I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
