I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
