I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
