i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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