if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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