I just cut my nipple shaving
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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