I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
