Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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