This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
