Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
