I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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