I just pynch a tree in the face
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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