I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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