well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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