Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This is my gift to your gina
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
