i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
