I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
