ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
