just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
