Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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