i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
