Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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