I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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