You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
