I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
