My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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