I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
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its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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