We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
