I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize