I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
