I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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