You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
