What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
