Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
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I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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