I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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