Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
