the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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