guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
