This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
