This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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