Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
In America we eat man semen.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize