Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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