last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
