I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
