well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
