Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
