She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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