Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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