Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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